And Now: Limericks

So in my spare time I've been writing Limericks. I "stumbledupon", as I so often do, and found a page of clever limericks. It was inspiring. I mean, I enjoyed a good haiku now and again, but I had never ventured into the world of limericks. So I figured it was time. Of course, I adapted my limericks so they had something to do with video games so that I may share. A little taste here, and more after the jump.

The armor may look like there's burl,
But from her helmet her hair did unfurl,
They all went erect,
In glaring respect,
When they found out their hero's a girl.



In Rapture he went on a date,
And got the girl home very late,
On her Welcome Rug,
He ripped out her slug,
Now her daddy will reciprocate.

While blankly chainsawing a locust,
A COG soldier seemed out of focus,
At night gears did grind,
And he was starting to find,
That liking just ladies was bogus.

Over countless test subjects she towers
A program with remarkable powers,
But alas, she must pout,
After much “in and out”
Not one of them thought to bring flowers.

As I gladly collected my loot,
I espied a terrible brute,
When over he lumbered,
I was over encumbered,
I died there for precious nirnroot.

There once was a space Engineer
Whose main objective was quite clear,
A glowing blue light,
Showed which way was right,
Of course the right way leads to fear.

Have you seen that comic by that guy?
It was so funny I thought I would cry.
The concept, though fun,
Is way overdone,
In the end it turns out its a spy.

Commander Shepherd, space soldier Elite,
With reputation that cannot be beat,
Though I know that I should,
Do my best to be good,
I just punch everyone that I meet.

Two Paper Pink Pigs feeling randy,
Thought maybe a dance would be handy,
It was awfully gruesome,
As the Posey Pink Twosome,
Made a baby, then took all its candy.

A boy lived under DC,
When his dad left without a decree,
He then fled the vault,
Though it wasn't his fault,
To follow a man he can't see.

And on that note, I must away. The Fallout 3 intro movie has played at least 10 times while I organized this and I really need to get up in there.

Continue?

My First hours in the Wasteland

I’ve finished the game at this point (so have Evan and Ben, those fuckers finished the main quest before me), and I plan to post more about it soon but this is a start. If you have played the first hours of the game and read this, you will be able to see just how different everyone experience is going to be from one another when they complete it. I did not know how to start talking about such a long and involved experience. I thought of writing a review like piece, but that would not explain properly why Fallout 3 is “of the hook” as you kids say. Just discussing the game over the weekend made me realize just how much more I can still do. And I think the best part is, I didn't have to.

Though there are rewards for completing more quests for more people, I found the most appealing aspect to be exploration of the Wastleland. The stories you will learn, and manipulation of the characters in the game (if your speech level is high enough OH WAIT mine is, my speech talk Tenpenny into letting ghouls stay at his tower; your speech got you a golden shower). Plus I still need Dogmeat. Well anyway here is my first hour or so, my father was very proud…

After cheating on my G.O.A.T, saving that asshole's mother from those puny radroaches, and killing my childhood crush’s father in cool blood just because he wouldn't let me out of that shithole, I was on my way to discovering the reason my father had left the fault and destroyed our simple lives. As my digital eyes got their first ever look at the digital sun, I realized that I was truly at home. Here I could be king and the world, (or at least what was left of it) and it was my playground. Now in the wasteland, even the nicest of people are not really nice in the traditional, 50’s sitcom way. They are picks; they hate their lives and as well they should. As I walked to the near by town of megaton, I experienced this first hand. I disliked everyone in this town.

The sheriff, who was the first person I confronted in the vault was nice, but because of all the shit he had been through he became more of shithead as I kept talking to him. The doctor who I had just meet told me to stop bitching about my wounds. If only there was a dialogue choose that said, “I’m paying you asshole so why don’t you shut the fuck up and do your job.” Don’t get me started about the religious fanatic, I barely talked to them and I doubt I will ever again.

Then some hotshot in this hellhole, told me that he had seen my father. I was thinking, finally, normal people in this wasteland, and what does that bastard do? He says he will tell me what I want to know if I give him 100 caps. 100 fucking bottle caps! So I told him to eat a dick and I wandered Megaton aimlessly looking for anyone who knew where my dear papa had gone. But I could not find anyone who could give me anything to go off of. I was stumped. So I went back to the man with the my head down and 100 caps that I had collected in my pocket. I guess what that fucker did, he told me that because I did not except his first offer that the price for that information that now the price for my dad’s location was 500 caps. At this point I was about to kill this fucker, when I noticed that I just got a new speech option because my speech level is so high. Fortunately it let me lower the price back to 100 caps. So I cut my losses, got the info I needed and never talked to that fucker again. Seems I may have a reason to blow up this shit hole after all.

Out of the four people I have talked to who are lucky enough to have Fallout 3, no one had the same experience in their first few hours then I did. One love, vote Obama…well I guess you already did that... he’s already elected. Continue?