In Mid September, myself and many other farming simulation fans will be picking up the first installment of the Harvest Moon series to come out for the Nintendo Wii system. If you pre-ordered the game, you will also be receiving a stuffed cow, an offer which is too good to pass up (he's smiling!). Stuffed cows aside, playing Harvest Moon is much more than just toil and hard work...planting little seeds and watching them grow into beautiful plants, showing the whole goddamn town what you're made of and proving to your father that you can make it on your own, it's so much more. At the heart of every Harvest Moon game is the village you now live in, filled with people you will grow to love. You can get the guys in the town to confide in you regarding girl troubles, and then use that information to romance the girls for yourself.
This is always where I had the most fun in Harvest Moon games. My femininity allows me to be excited about this, but playing as a male character changed the dynamic a bit. When I played the N64 version of the game I found myself becoming the biggest sleaze ball ever. Was it enough to have one girl fall in love with me? No, certainly not. I wanted all of them to fawn over me. Even after my character was married, I continued to give the other ladies gifts daily, while my wife stayed at home ( My real-life gameplay audio excerpt: “...In the kitchen, where she belongs! It took alaaaaata lumber to build that kitchen, doll-face.”) In the Wii installment you can choose to play as either a male or female. I will be forgoing the privilege to play as my own gender in this game. Even in the wonderful world of Harvest Moon, the double standard still applies: If you have a lot of guys as a girl, you are a harlot. If you have a lot of girls as a guy, “eeeeeeeeey!”.
Eventually you will have to pick one of these ladies to be your wife, and I intend to help you make that choice. Let's take a look at what good 'ole Waffle Town has to offer.
Anissa: The gentle female farmer. She will most likely be the most useful on the farm. She'll also stick by you even after you come home from the milk bar high on beef Endorphins and beat her with a fresh turnip in a tube sock.
Kathy: The local bar-maid. She's tough and resilient. She answers to no man. Be the first to break her fiery spirit!
Candace: Only you will know whether the quiet weird girl is into the freaky stuff... like cross breeding watermelons and bananas.
Leena: She loves animals. She loves them so much, she'll hardly mind sleeping in the barn when you have your buddies over for poker nights.
Mai: She loves food more than anything! Make sure to constantly remind her where those cupcakes are going (the thighs).
Phoebe: She's an inventor. After you get married, you can force her to work many sleepless nights on complex Rube Goldberg machines that complete pointless tasks that would normally require minimal effort.
Roomi: She's eight (going on 30)!
Shiela: Her hips are like "BLAM"!
Juli: This is a DUDE! DO NOT HIT ON!
Now that I have given you an overview of the ladies you have to choose from, go forth and be fruitful. And don't forget to put whatever you want to sell in the bin before 5pm, that's when the buyer comes. But not on holidays.
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